The Truth About Children Listening

“I have such a good son, he listens to everything I say”.

That sentence can be interpreted in several ways. One is, he has good hearing, and he can hear everything you say. This does not mean he likes it, enjoys it, or follows any requests.

It can also mean that he listens to you, whereas if you ask him to come home early, he does; you ask him to call you when he reaches his destination? Done.

Ask yourself: Do you want a child who listens to you, or do you want a child who has enough security, confidence, maturity, and wisdom, so that he can make the right decision—one that is right by him and you?

Someone who just “listens” to you may be following orders or trying to keep the peace—prevent negative consequences. Now, this is okay sometimes, in some circumstances. I mean, who can complain when your partner “listens” to you and cleans up after dinner!

But you know, and you feel it, when someone is doing something to avoid the negative consequences. And how many times does that make you proud? Or give you confidence? Or build trust?

Action taken to avoid negative consequences is very different from action taken to welcome the positive.

You want to raise children who pick up their dishes, and help you clean because they feel the togetherness, the oneness, and are empathetic.

You want children who will refuse that cigarette, or substance, because you have open conversations in the home, without judgment, about what they might do in this circumstance.

Trust me, when they say no to that cigarette, because they respect their own bodies, and they respect themselves, they will operate from a sense of trusting themselves in the world. This trust is built on the bedrock of love, safety, and security, that you provide for them.

And all that happens when your cup is full! When you make time to nurture and mend your own wounds (we ALL have them). When you open your heart in silence and make space to be kind to yourself.

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